NEWS

Man hopes porn admission at church helps others

Brad Schmitt
brad@tennessean.com

He has been active with his church for seven years, but Brad White and his family usually sit off to the side each Sunday. The guy is low-key.

Except that time when White admitted his porn addiction in front of the whole congregation last fall. His deepest, darkest secret cast out there, revealed, exposed.

It was a video, one that played three times at New Vision Baptist Church in Murfreesboro that Sunday, to more than 2,000 people, including his wife.

"I couldn't get out of the church fast enough. I felt really weird. I felt like everyone was staring at me," White said.

Turns out that 99.9 percent of those who saw it and spoke to White offered him support and praise for his courage. Still, White was a bit uncomfortable being known to some folks in his giant church as "the porn guy."

But, White says, he wants to help other guys who struggle with pornography. And if that means some folks at his church call him "the porn guy," so be it.

"I was really proud of Brad," said Pastor Brad Ewing, who runs the men's ministry at New Vision Baptist.

Pornography, Pastor Ewing says, "is the hidden sin of the church. We don't talk about it a whole lot.

"It's awkward and shameful. We don't talk about it in front of thousands of people at a time, but Brad did."

Like many people who struggle with sex or porn addictions, White had a childhood episode at the root. He was molested by a young man.

"As a 7-year-old, you know something's happening that's not right, but you're not sure what's happening," White said.

The boy went home and told his mom, and that night, both parents went into their son's room after he fell asleep.

They got down on their knees, laid hands on him and prayed for God to take away the memory of that attack. And, White says, that's exactly what happened. White says he didn't remember that the molestation had taken place at all.

White says he didn't find out he was attacked until he was 13, when they spotted the molester in the community and White's mom broke down in tears.

"She's sobbing the whole time. So I'm like, 'Mom, what's wrong?' " he said. "She proceeds to tell me what happened, that she's been holding in the guilt for years.

"As a 13-year-old, I'm like, I wanna kill this guy. It's the only time in my life that I cussed in front of my mom. I didn't remember the details (of the attack), but the feelings. It gave me so much anger."

Around that time, White and his buddies discovered porn online, and he really liked it, especially the control.

"I could choose who I looked at."

As his pornography use increased, White never stopped going to church, and he started to hear sermons about forgiveness. One preacher a few years back even suggested praying blessings on people who've hurt you.

"Through that process, God allowed me to forgive him. I ended up face to face with the guy two months later and went up and shook his hand," he said.

White got married to his wife, Holly, and his pornography consumption slowed for a few months — but then it came right back, more intense than ever. So did the guilt and shame.

"You feel like you're cheating on your spouse," he said.

"I felt so convicted one day. Then I was on the floor sobbing. I just felt like scum. In that moment, I kind of felt I needed to tell Holly so I could let her in."

White said his wife offered him a hug and asked, "How can I help you?"

White also revealed his pornography addiction to his father, who agreed to help his son overcome it. And White installed software on his computer that blocks access to porn sites.

That's when White realized other guys probably struggled with the same issues. And, with Pastor Ewing's blessing and help, White started an Into the Light men's support group for those with issues with sex and porn.

A year or so later, the senior pastor asked White to do a video testimony of his story to be included in a sermon series on sexual purity.

And that's how he became "the porn guy" at his church. White is facilitator for support groups there for parishioners with porn or sex addictions.

Ewing concedes that New Vision Baptist is "fairly conservative as far as belief and theology."

But he didn't hesitate for a second when asked about starting a sex and porn healing group at the church.

"Man, right on," Ewing said. "It's gonna help some people."

Reach Brad Schmitt at 615-259-8384 and on Twitter @BradSchmitt.

Getting help

New Vision Baptist Church in Murfreesboro offers a support group for men struggling with pornography and sex issues. The group meets at 4:30 p.m. Sundays in Room 301-H of the church at 1750 N. Thompson Lane, Murfreesboro.

For more information, email Brad White at brad.white@newvisionlife.com.