Vanderbilt's Phil Pfeifer strikes out his demons

Phil Pfeifer has a unique doubleheader in life on Friday.

In the afternoon, he'll graduate from Vanderbilt with a degree in philosophy. At night he'll be the starting pitcher for the Commodores against Florida in a battle of two of the top baseball teams in the Southeastern Conference.

Just 20 months ago, neither seemed possible.

"There were times where self-destruction seemed like the only solution," Pfeifer said recently.

Sitting in the Vanderbilt baseball team room, tears occasionally rolled down his face as the 22-year-old recalled how substance abuse derailed his life and how he got it back on track.

"I found out on Oct. 2 (2013) the solution for my problem was as easy as asking for help," he said. "I like to think of myself as an independent, self-sufficient person. But really, I am not. I'm very dependent on the people around me, for enrichment, for support."

One of the most honored pitchers in Tennessee high school history, Pfeifer could easily beat opponents. But in college, he could not beat his demons, alcohol and drugs.

A September 2013 failed drug test proved to be a blessing.

The failed test was more than a simple infraction of team standards. A meeting with Vanderbilt head baseball Coach Tim Corbin was set for Oct. 2.

"He called me in and said, 'Phil, I love you, I want what is best for you ... you are a great baseball player, but I don't care about baseball right now. I want you to get your life in order and I've talked to some people. I can't make any promises about baseball, but I want you to be OK. You are definitely off the team.' "

"I lost it," Pfeifer said.

After the emotion drained out of his 6-foot, 190-pound body, he looked at his coach and said: "I agree. I am not happy with how my life is going. I will do whatever you want.' "

Those were the words Corbin was hoping to hear.

"My mission with Phil was not so much taking baseball away," Corbin said, "it was trying to give him more time for him to identify what he needed in life in order to be around to see it, to be around to live it, to be around to function inside it.

"That was a concern of mine. I leaned on his parents. It's tough to give your own opinions to someone else's child. At that point, I felt he needed to make some directions on where to go to next in order for him to get through this chapter of his life."

The rehabilitation process started immediately. There were lots of counseling sessions. There was lots of soul searching.

There was no baseball.

Pfeifer says the alcohol and drug abuse began his senior year in high school. He won a state record 46 games at Knoxville's Farragut High School, some of those games with a an injured pitching shoulder.

"I started being a very poor decision-maker and a very negative person," he said. "For the better part of my first two years (at Vanderbilt), I sat in my negativity and I did not want to change. I didn't want to grow up. I wasn't living up to the standard of success that I had been setting for myself. I was resentful against a lot of things. And it flowed through all of my behavior. On the field, I was trying to be somebody I was not. Off the field, I was trying to be somebody I was not."

In his first two seasons, he appeared in 26 games, posting a 4-1 record. In his final game of the 2013 season, he pitched five shutout innings in Vanderbilt's 7-1 victory over Georgia Tech as the Commodores won their NCAA regional.

Five months later, his college athletic career came to a crushing halt during that Oct. 2 meeting.

While he was not allowed to participate in any team functions, he remained in school on a baseball scholarship. He watched the team as a fan.

"I came to the games, I supported the guys," he said. "It was painful. Sometimes I would have to leave games early because I would not want to put myself in a place where I was feeling self-pity."

He also made frequent, impromptu stops at Corbin's office.

"Phil would knock on my door, sit down, and he would tell me where he was in his life and where he was academically," Corbin said. "Then he would get up, shake my hand and leave. He just wanted to say, 'Here I am, this is where I am mentally Coach, got to go, see ya.' I loved those conversations.

"Before, there were too many conversations where he couldn't tell me what he was doing. Before, he was fooling me and fooling himself."

His grades in school improved, making the Southeastern Conference's All-Academic team in spring 2014.

While the team kept playing games, Pfeifer kept learning about himself.

"I had something taken away from me that I really, really wanted. But that is what it took for me to change," he said. "Personally, I have always thought of myself as Phil Pfeifer, the baseball player, and I had my identity stripped from me. That made me really, really uncomfortable. At that point, I wanted to do anything to get it back.

"But over the course of time, I learned that I was not Phil Pfeifer the baseball player; I was Phil the kid from Knoxville. ... Phil and Janet's son, Peggy and Olivia's brother. I'm the kid who likes weird music, likes Italian food. I'm not just the kid on the baseball field."

During this evolution, others around him noticed his maturation.

Corbin recalled a few dinners in spring 2014 that he and his wife, Maggie, had with Pfeifer and Pfeifer's girlfriend.

"Phil was a more mature soul, who wasn't necessary admitting to you that he had figured things out, but was very assuring by what he was saying and how he was going about things, that he was on the right track," Corbin said. "He was very confident in his academics, very confident in his relationship. Never talked about baseball. He just never did. And I really appreciated that."

Yet, Pfeifer's ache from not being with the team hit his heart on June 25, 2014.

He was on the Vanderbilt football field with friends when they watched a broadcast of the College World Series championship game. As his teammates celebrated the first men's team national championship in Vanderbilt's 141-year history, Pfeifer's year of self-discovery hit a climactic peak.

"The past year was hard, and one of the hardest realizations was, selfish as it can be, they did not need me to win a national championship," he said. "But that realization was the best thing for my ego, just to deflate it. It was a bittersweet celebration for me. On one level, they won it. On another level, I wasn't there. I wasn't able to dogpile. It was tough."

He rejoined the team for fall practice in September, a year after he last touched a baseball.

"Coming back this fall, I was a little worried about him," Vanderbilt pitching coach Scott Brown said. "We weren't sure (his pitching form) was going to come back, but I never doubted him. He got the rust off, went home over (winter) break, regrouped, got some strength back."

When the season came, Corbin wasted little time getting him into a game. He pitched the final four innings in the season-opening 4-0 win over Santa Clara. He allowed just one hit and struck out five, combining on a shutout with Carson Fulmer.

He spent much of this season pitching in relief. Two weeks ago, Brown and Corbin moved Pfeifer into the team's starting rotation.

"There's no doubt that Phil has improved our pitching staff a ton," Fulmer said. "We know we have a good chance to win every time he has the ball in his hand."

Making his first start in two years, he dominated Missouri on April 25, striking out 13 batters in seven innings. The NCAA named him its national college pitcher of the week.

Last weekend, against Kentucky, he struggled in his second start. Two years ago, a rough outing may have prompted him to turn to alcohol or drugs. This time around, he sought out advice from coaches and teammates on how to improve for his next outing.

He gets that opportunity against Florida.

"Friday is something that I've been working for a while," he said. "At some point, there was a pretty decent period of time that I thought I would not make it to this point of my college career as a student or as a baseball player. So being able to graduate and to start a baseball game that night, it's spooky."

Reach Dave Ammenheuser at 615-259-8352 and on Twitter @NashSportsEd.