Reflections of a suicide survivor

There have been a number of recent studies indicating that suicide levels are at an all-time high.  Some of these studies show that suicide is also becoming more and more common among young people.

Suicide has been defined before as “a permanent solution to a temporary problem.”  However, it may not be that simple.

I lost my mother to suicide 11 years ago.  Rarely does a day go by when I don’t think about her and all the life she missed out on — weddings, grandchildren, birthdays, friendships, etc.  She had a long battle with severe depression which led to a state of utter hopelessness.

Many people that make the decision to take their own lives are in a very dark place.  Many are ill, suffering from a mental condition that renders them incapable of enjoying life the way others enjoy life.  They simply want the pain to stop and to go away.  Many feel like they won’t be missed and the world would be just fine without them.

Thankfully these illnesses are becoming less stigmatized in our culture and people can seek the help they need through counseling and medication.  More times than not, there is a chemical imbalance in the brain that needs treatment.  In regards to depression, Harvard psychiatrist Armand Nicholi Jr. once remarked, “The cause of despondency in many today is an awareness of a gap between what they think they ought to be and what they feel they are.  There is a discrepancy between an ideal they hold for themselves and an acute awareness of how far short they fall from the ideal.”

Society must play a role in helping people find hope and meaning.  Social isolation has become a major problem, and digital screens are a pathetic substitute for authentic community and connection.  Young people need to know that they are loved, supported and treasured.  They don’t have to handle all the challenges of life alone.  Parents need to communicate with them openly and often.

Counselors will tell you that fear and anxiety is at an all-time high, leading many to feel completely overwhelmed and discouraged.  Social psychologist Jonathan Haidt says that real happiness does not come from getting or achieving, it does not come from within, but rather it comes from meaningful connections with others because we are social creatures.  Therefore those who work toward developing meaningful relationships in life seem to be more satisfied and fulfilled.

We were not designed to live in isolation, so we must work diligently to remain connected to each other.  As humans we all wrestle with the same challenges, the same stresses, the same fears, so we must learn to share them with each other and draw support from each other.  Nobody has to live alone.  It’s the feeling of utter isolation and helplessness that leads to despair and emptiness.

There is no need to judge those who have taken their own life for whatever reason.  The only need we have is to build a world where people don’t feel isolated and helpless, shouldering life’s burdens by themselves.  Reach out to those who are hurting.  Let them know they are not alone.  Pay close attention to those around you because somebody you love dearly may be struggling in ways you might never imagine.

The Rev. Dr. Clay Stauffer is senior minister of Woodmont Christian Church. His new book is "Preaching Politics" by Chalice Press.