MS CHEAP

Family's shopping list for a year: nothing

Mary Hance
USA Today Network — Tennessee

Scott and Gabby Dannemiller bought no clothes, gadgets, electronics, toys, books or home decor for an entire year.

Zero. Nothing. Zilch.

Let that sink in a bit.

The Dannemillers wanted to "reconnect" with each other and with their children, Audrey and Jake, who were 5 and 7 at the time, and "live out their faith" by spending 2013 committed to living with what they had and not buying more "stuff."

It was to be a "vacation from consumerism,"  in which they could buy groceries and consumables, and spend money on travel and "experiences," but no money could be spent on clothes, gadgets, electronics, toys, books, home decor, etc.

When I heard about the Bellevue family, my first thought was,  "Wow, how much money did these people save?"

But after I read Scott Dannemiller's book, "The Year Without a Purchase: One Family's Quest To Stop Shopping and Start Connecting,"  which details his family's unique experience, it was clear that money was NOT the motivator, nor the measure of success for this family's shopping moratorium.

The idea for this shopping "fast" came as 2013 approached and the Dannemillers felt they had strayed from a path of simplicity, faith and service they had set for themselves early in their marriage when they quit their corporate jobs and went on a year-long mission trip to Guatamala in 2003.

By 2013, they had two young children and a hectic life, and a gnawing sense of unease about all the "stuff" they had and about the busy-ness of their days.

Scott Dannemiller used this "girly" suitcase on a business trip instead of buying a new one for himself.

"We noticed we were getting caught up in the great American Hamster Wheel of 'more is better,' ”  Scott Dannemiller said, explaining that he and his wife yearned to get back in sync with their mission and create more purpose to their lives.

"We talked about it, what if we didn't buy anything for a year," said Scott Dannemiller, a self-employed corporate trainer. "We thought it would be a good challenge — we felt like we had strayed away from our simple living values."

Gabby Dannemiller agreed: "We get so caught up in buying things that we need to take a little pause and ask what is this adding to my life, and give renewed importance to experiences," she said.

So on Jan. 1, 2013, they began.

Did the kids notice?

They decided at the beginning that they would keep the "no shopping" challenge a secret from Audrey and Jake, and then see if the children noticed the family's radical change in consumption. (They did not.)

The rules were simple and straightforward:

• "We can buy stuff that can be used up within a year, including groceries, gas, hygiene products. No clothes.

• "We can fix stuff that breaks. Unless the repair cost is greater than the replacement cost.

• "Gifts must be in the form of charitable donation or experience gift, with the idea being to build connections and memories by doing things like going to dinner, the zoo or traveling to visit friends and family."

It meant that when the children had birthdays, the gifts were experiences, such as tickets to a Predators game for Jake's birthday (church friends gave them the tickets) and a night at the Gaylord Opryland Hotel for Audrey on her birthday (paid for with points Scott Dannemiller earned through his extensive business travels).

Gabby Dannemiller explained that the shift in thinking was to opt for paying for a zoo visit as opposed to buying a new toy because experiences are much more lasting.

Scott Dannemiller wrote "The Year Without A Purchase, One Family's Quest to Stop Shopping and Start Connecting" about his family's no-shopping strategy in 2013.

Creative gift giving

When the children were invited to birthday parties, they made gifts from items they had on hand, such as a science experiment "kit" that Jake put together for a friend using a sleeve of Mentos, a 2-liter bottle of Diet Coke and a set of instructions on how to combine the two to make an impressive explosion. It was a hit.

Perhaps the funniest of the "make-do" challenges was Scott's dilemma when, just before an important business trip, his nice leather suitcase was deemed unusable and his only justifiable alternative was a super girly lavender carry-on from the attic to take to the conference. (Instead of it being an embarrassment,  the suitcase became a provocative conversation starter about the family's year of no purchases.)

The Dannemillers also used the year to become more deliberate in creating quality family time by adding more volunteer work at Second Harvest, Society of St. Andrew and Operation Christmas Child. The volunteer efforts led to more thoughtful family conversations and better shared experiences.

The book happened after publisher Westminster John Knox Press saw Scott Dannemiller's Accidental Missionary blog and contacted him. He said he and his wife had been "living life by accident, allowing our schedules and possessions to define us, buying new stuff instead of owning and appreciating what we have. And through this, losing an honest connection with people, and with ourselves."

The goal of the year off the shopping grid was to "focus on our worth as it is designed by God's standards rather than the world's," Scott Dannemiller said.  "We wanted to try and get back to what's important — connecting and sharing experience with people. We noticed that stuff gets in the way, at least for us."

He quoted a New York Times story that said the the biggest predictor of happiness is our human relationships and how much time we spend with the special people in our lives.

"The interesting thing is that people will sacrifice social relationships to get other things that won't make them as happy," he said.

And that is just what the Dannemillers did not want to do.

The Tennessean|Ms. Cheap

So how did it go?

Scott acknowledged that the year without a purchase was "challenging." But he said it was "not nearly as hard as it could have been. We were free to buy basics, and our definition of basics is far more than any family truly needs."

The Dannemillers said it turned out to be "the year of four purchases" — an athletic cup for Jake, who was the catcher for his baseball team; a set of swim fins for Audrey, who had been promised fins upon completion of her swimming program; a new pair of tennis shoes for Jake, who had outgrown his; and a new vacuum cleaner after theirs stopped working and was not worth fixing.

Scott Dannemiller said one of the results of the "no-buy" tenet was "less stress, less rushing around and less worrying." He said it was a little rocky at first, but after the first few weeks, "our home became more harmonious" and his family enjoyed a new sense of the importance of experiences.

"It's not that stuff is inherently bad. What makes it bad is the value we place on it. We became more resourceful and more intentional," he added.

Shopping's sales pitch touts entertainment, bargains

The parents admitted that the year would have been much harder to pull off if the children had been teenagers. They said the children did ask for stuff, but in the end, they didn't really notice that it was a no-shopping year. When Jake was asked what the difference was in 2013 over previous years, he mentioned that they had taken more trips to see friends and family. He didn't mention shopping.

When Scott Dannemiller started blogging about "the year without a purchase" on his www.accidentalmissionary.net website, there were a few critics and naysayers, but friends and family were strongly supportive and intrigued. He said it was a welcome conversation starter.

"It was something to talk about, instead of just the weather and sports," he said. "People would say, so why are you doing this?

"Perhaps the biggest surprise," he said, was that after hearing what they were doing, "many of our friends said they also found themselves purchasing less and enjoying more experiences."

The Dannemillers say there are still lingering benefits, two years after the moratorium.

"Now that the veil has been lifted, we approach purchases differently," Scott Dannemiller said. "Those that truly make life easier and and less stressful are worthwhile (they just bought a new house). Other (purchases) are simply fluff, distractions, worthless. When you strip away the clutter of life, your purpose becomes much clearer. Through this experience, we had to examine the 'why' behind our purchases. It definitely made us more purposeful. "

And now back to my original question about the amount of money saved. The Dannemillers say they don't know how much. They said their year off the shopping grid "made it easier to save money, but we didn't calculate it.  But we were able to give twice as much to church and charity" than they had in previous years.

Reach Ms. Cheap at 615-259-8282. Follow her at www.tennessean.com/mscheap, at Facebook.com/mscheap and on Twitter @Ms_Cheap, and catch her every Thursday at 11 a.m. on WTVF-Channel 5's "Talk of the Town."

Ms. Cheap's Guide to Fall packs calendar with free fun

To try the "no purchases for a year" challenge

Don't see it as a great sacrifice, but more as a great opportunity. 

Develop a family mission statement. The Dannemillers' is "Live with integrity, own what you have, grow in faith and serve others." And Scott Dannemiller says, "Sometimes we succeed. Sometimes we stink. But the important thing is that we keep on trying."

Have a clear set of rules of what is permissible to purchase during the year.

Limit exposure to TV commercials and catalogs and coupons, too, as a way to minimize temptation. Staying out of the stores also helps.

Conduct an "appreciation audit," where for a day each month, each person lists five things for which you are grateful and the reasons why.

In addition to stopping the buying, clean out, too, and "be radical" about what you get rid of. Scott Dannemiller says to stop asking, "When might I use this again?", and start asking, "What would happen if i didn't have this item." Also ask, "Who could use this more?"    

Do for others: Find your passion and volunteer at the food bank or other places, take a mission trip or take on a Christmas project.

Make it your own challenge. 

"Our biggest thing was that we did it for us, so ask yourself, what is your goal as a family?," Scott Dannemiller said. "If you want to do it to save money, do it because of that. If you want to do it to reconnect to your kids, do it for that. I think the intention is more important than the outcome." 

Meet Scott Dannemiller 

Scott Dannemiller will be at the Southern Festival of Books on Oct. 10 on the panel "Ditching the Daily: Chronicles of Simple Living, Finding Joy, and Letting Go.” The panel is from noon-1:30 p.m., with a book signing to follow at Legislative Plaza, Room 12.