Steven Curtis Chapman finds hope in tragedy

Ken Abraham and Steven Curtis Chapman sat face-to-face on Steven Curtis Chapman’s back porch, looking each other in the eyes as Chapman relived May 21, 2008, the day his then teenage son hit his five-year-old daughter Maria with the SUV.

It’s a story he’s told before. As his son drove the Land Cruiser slowly up the driveway, the rambunctious Maria darted out to meet him as her older sister screamed for her to stop. The fatal accident has been a dominant chapter in the family’s story for the last nine years – but Chapman doesn’t want the tragedy to define them. On the 30th anniversary of his first album, the Grammy-winning Christian singer teamed with Abraham, his longtime friend and New York Times bestselling author, to co-write his biography.

“Between Heaven & the Real World: My Story” is in stores now. The book chronicles Chapman’s journey from his childhood in Paducah, Ky., through his courtship with his wife Mary Beth, to Nashville where he’s enjoyed decades of success as a Christian music singer. Chapman’s self-effacing humor shines through the book as does his honesty about the struggles early in his marriage and the faith that carried his family through international adoption and their darkest days following Maria’s death.

“He was so willing to look me in the eye and tell me that story,” Abraham said. “There were times neither of us could talk. His courage in reliving those horrific moments …”

Steven Curtis Chapman was never supposed to be the star — his gig was his brother’s backing musician. The Chapman brothers played all over Kentucky, making their way to Nashville in 1981 where they auditioned to sing at Opryland USA. The audition didn’t go as planned: both men were hired as singers. The twist of fate changed Chapman’s musical future. Later that summer, he performed on The Grand Ole Opry with other Opryland singers. Like his audition, that didn’t go as planned either – but it provides one of Abraham’s favorite stories in the book. During his performance, Chapman realized he didn’t know all of the words to “He Stopped Loving Her Today,” which sent him into a panic. He recovered and has gone on to play the Opry many times, even as recently as earlier this month.

The mix-up didn’t sour Chapman on Nashville. About five years later he and his new wife Mary Beth moved to Music City. Today, with 58 Gospel Music Association Dove Awards, five Grammys, 48 No. 1 songs and 11 million albums sold, Chapman is the most awarded artist in Christian music history.

“I always knew someday I would want to write my story,” Chapman said. “I feel like it’s a crazy story anyway, but when I started writing it, I feel like it’s 15 or 20 lifetimes lived in one life.”

Chapman had watched his wife pen her book “Choosing to SEE: A Journey of Struggle and Hope,” which was released about six years ago. He knew the process was going to be strenuous and wonderful but also “a heartbreaking process to revisit the deep valleys.”

“One of the compelling reasons to really tell my story in a real honest and vulnerable way was how much impact I’ve seen Mary Beth’s story have on people,” Chapman said. “It felt important for me to be able to honor how deep the devastation was, even allowing myself to share in great detail, the context of my full story what the tragedy was like.”

In “Between Heaven & the Real World: My Story” Chapman describes sitting in his dining room with his wife — each working on projects for their oldest daughter’s upcoming wedding. He recounts realizing Maria had been hit and the terrifying and frantic moments that followed: calling 911 and chasing the helicopter that carried his youngest to Vanderbilt University Medical Center.

“God, you can’t let this happen … You can’t ask this of us,” he remembers saying.

Chapman was determined not to leave the hospital without Maria, writing he would bar the doors and keep praying until “God brings out little girl back to us.”

It didn’t work that way. When the couple arrived at the emergency room, doctors told them they had done everything they could but Maria hadn’t survived.

When they were led in, Maria looked like she was asleep. Chapman prayed for the next five minutes until his wife told him Maria was with Jesus. The singer wrote that he wanted to crawl into bed beside his daughter, but he had five other children who needed him. Chapman was aware of the doctors and nurses in the room and was “overcome with the sense” that he should say something.

Steven Curtis Chapman: Grief over daughter 'unfixable'

“This is what everything in life comes down to,” he said. “And if somehow this moment right now could change eternity for you that would honor my little girl’s life.”

Chapman wondered how his family was going to survive. They cried, leaned on hope, faith, friends and family.

Almost nine years later, Abraham noted that Chapman still carries the pain just below the surface. Seven months after the conversation that led to writing the chapter about Maria’s death, Abraham said he jokes with Chapman about sending him “a big bill for his therapist duties.”

With Chapman, Abraham’s goal was “to get his heart on paper.”

“He knew it had to be done and was willing to go there with me,” Abraham said. “He didn’t keep digging those holes. He was always willing to come back up. There’s some fun stories in there. People are going to be encouraged. The takeaway is that no matter what you face in life, with your faith in God, you really can overcome.”

Today Chapman is thankful for the opportunity to remember his life in such detail.

“I wanted people to find their own story in me telling mine,” he said. “If nothing else, so they don’t feel as alone on their journey. I wanted people to say, ‘Here’s a guy who has his face on album covers, he should have it together. And he’s still struggling with this, so I’m not alone.’ There’s hope in this.”

Reach Cindy Watts at 615-664-2227, ciwatts@tennessean.com or on Twitter @CindyNWatts.

Steven Curtis Chapman's "Between Heaven & the Real World: My Story" is available now.